


Soliloquy

by Augustus



Category: Australian Comedians RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-11-11
Updated: 2001-11-11
Packaged: 2018-03-08 18:15:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3218633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Augustus/pseuds/Augustus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>HG rants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soliloquy

_(A room, a couch, two men. Roy Slaven is sitting bolt upright on the left side, staring maniacally into space. HG Nelson is pacing, running off at the mouth as usual.)_

**HG:** Disgraceful! The nerve! It's a kick in the date, that's what it is. A thousand years of service to the industry, and this is how they repay me. So much for just deserts, so much for national pride. This is what they call thanks, is it? This is what they call justice? Well, I'm not swallowing it, Roy. Nope. They've been twiddling the figures again, sticking a finger in the pie and bringing it out dripping. There's a spanner somewhere in these meat works...

 **Roy:** _(still staring)_ You're mixing your metaphors.

 **HG:** Perhaps that's how they do it. Mix metaphors and twist words. Take the numbers and make them into something they're not. A conspiracy. They might fool some people, but they'll never fool me, Roy. I know the great Australian public better than to believe them capable of this dreadful betrayal.

_(Roy runs a hand through his hair, leaving it in a rather dishevelled state.)_

**Roy:** They're only ratings, H.G.

 **HG:** Only ratings? _Only_ ratings? Ratings are the lifeblood of television. Lose them and we might as well just bow out right now. Ten people! _Ten people_ we lost last week. At this rate, it won't be long until the only people watching are our parents. Not even them. They've never liked the show much. We'll be reduced to making guest appearances on _Home and Away_ and spinning the Wheel during B Grade Celebrity Week. We'll be manning phones during the Good Friday Appeal, plucking miniature Fatsos off a makeshift hills-hoist, showing Don Burke the pathetic patch of concrete that doubles as a flimsily titled 'backyard'. We'll be has-beens, washed up and hung out to dry in the midday sun. We'll be-...

 **Roy:** _(butting in)_ HG?

 **HG:** Yes, Roy?

 **Roy:** Shut up and shag me.

 **HG:** Yes dear.

_(Fade to black.)_

**11-11-2001**


End file.
